‘It Came Pouring Out Of Me Like The Sh*ts’: Dublin Girlo On That Post-Drunken Text Regret

I don’t know what day it is or what time it is because I’m on my holidays. I just came in from some Jersey Shore club after inhaling a slice of pizza and committing a horrendous sin on the way back to my hotel room.

Girls… I sent the fella I’ve been seeing some mad shit via Snapchat and then via WhatsApp and THEN by voice note when he took more than two minutes to reply to both of the above. I don’t even know where it came from, I was and am quite happy living our unofficial dream.

We see each other when we want to, we have the chats during the day when we have no one else to talk to and one of us, and by that I mean me, is still… or was still, going on dates with a certain bloke who I never ended up sleeping with but always wanted to. And now here I am sitting on my king size bed, alone, with the spinnies, telling you how I made a show of meself before Vicki kills me for submitting this column late.

It all started the last time I was in his. It was a Sunday morning, nothing special and not too long ago. As I lay there on my back like I have done so many times before, I couldn’t help but notice there was a lip gloss on his locker. It was prostitute pink which meant it defo wasn’t mine.

So what did I do when I copped it? Nothing. Well, I completely shit myself. After all I had spent weeks, if not months telling my girlos and telling you Huns that this didn’t mean anything and he was just scratching an itch I couldn’t reach myself. How dare I, Dublin Girlo of Instagram and Twitter fame, ask him WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT when I’ve been on dates left, right and centre. How could I throw that double standard in his face?

And then the holiday vodkas hit me like a double decker and it came pouring out of me like the shits after a dodgy Zaytoons. “Who else are you riding? Cause we haven’t since before I got here and I am defo not the last person you entered, like you are mad for it so I just don’t believe like you would go that long and like it’s fine we aren’t like official or anything and you don’t like owe me anything I just want to know like…”